Articles 20VN | Grieving is Not For Sissies | grieving | death ...

Grieving in the thesaurus is defined as brokenhearted, mournful, anguished, sorrowful or inconsolable. All of these words defined me when both of my parents died. I did not know how I could deal with the grief I was feeling. I was afraid to deal with the grief.

To say grieving is a difficult process is minimizing the state of grief. It is a process that has no time limit. You can feel very alone while grieving. Grieving can manifest itself into anger. Grieving can affect your moods. Grieving can easily turn into depression. You can have one of the above feelings or have all of these feelings all at once. How do you handle this "grieving" and still function in life?

I was really tested when five months after my mother's funeral, I found myself at my father's funeral. It was surreal. I hadn't had enough time to grieve for the loss of my mother when my father died. How was I going to survive without the "rock" and "foundation" in my life? Was I a "sissy" and weak?

I had such a feeling of finality, loss, and not knowing what to do next. My father was gone. My mother was gone. What would I do with myself now? I had spent the previous year taking care of my parents. All the hard decisions wore on my emotions. I felt empty, spent. Would I even have enough energy to grieve? This was a test for which I was not ready. How would a wimp like me survive?

I had to remember I came from strong stock. I had to take care of things. I had to continue as the responsible person I was. After their funerals, little did I know that there would still be things that would be needed to be taken care of and would add to my stress. What would we do with all their clothes? What would do with the car? What would we do with their house? What about all the family pictures? What about all the furniture in the house? What about their bank accounts? What about their insurance policies?

After these logistical things were resolved the grief was still there. I had to make time to grieve and accept that grieving was now going to be part of my life, for the rest of my life.
What I learned about grief:
o You have to make time to grieve. Find solace in the time you choose to grieve.
o You have to grieve in your own way. Some like to grieve alone, some like to speak to their friends about their grief.
o No one will say to you to take as much time as you need to grieve. Society thinks that we need to get over our loss in six months or less.
o Grieving happens even if you are not ready for it. You don't choose when memories rush through your mind and you break down crying. Let it happen. You need the release.
o Accept assistance from your family and friends. You are not alone in your grief.
o Speak about your grief and/or write about your grief.

I look at the grief I feel as part of the process that needs to happen in my transition from child to wife to mother to grandmother. In the grief, there is a treasuring of the memories of my special family and a recognition that the memories need to be passed on to my children and grandchildren. The legacy is special and is more important than feeling like a "sissy" and not being able to face mortality.

Source: http://www.20vn.com/grief-loss/grieving-is-not-for-sissies-bf2.htm

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