Growing up I remember the constant arguments my mom and dad had. I didn?t know as a child, but as I got older I came to understand that the root of the arguments was money. No matter how much there was, it was never enough. I some point in my life I determined that money was not going to be a central part of my life, and certainly not a part of my marriage. I guess those were days before reality would finally set in. Yesterday my wife and I left our divorce lawyers office for the last time.
After 15 years of marriage, it was during the last few years that things began to get difficult. The reason: money, or should I say lack thereof. I realized, and so did my wife, that it would be terribly sad to let money problems destroy the home and family we built. We understood that the stress was something that we had to deal with or we would soon be facing divorce, as the fighting and depression was getting worse every day.
Wisely, we thought, we sought out the help of an experienced marriage counselor. Although money was clearly something that we had to monitor carefully, we knew that our marriage was more important than $125 an hour. Week after week we shared our personal stories and wishes and dreams with a total stranger. At the end of each 55 minute hour, the counselor would say, ?we?ve made some progress tonight, let?s continue this next time.? As we would leave the counselors office through the waiting room, there was always another couple waiting. As I wrote a check and handed it to the office administrator, I noticed the full calendar of appointments. I did the math in my head, this counselor was making at least $350,000.00 a year! How on earth could this ?counselor? have any understanding of the kind of stress that money could have on a marriage and family?
When I shared this new found information with my wife, she took it as a sign that I had no intention of saving our marriage. As this is happening, I?m trying my best to explain that the $600.00 each month that we are paying for these sessions isn?t helping the health of our marriage. After two full days and nights of arguing, we finally agreed on one thing. Something that was actually free. A free consultation with a divorce lawyer.
At that consultation we discussed everything clearly and although I can?t say that there was no emotion, it was a sensible forum. In addition, it was with a person experienced in marriage and finance! Our divorce lawyer, like most divorce lawyers these days, also offers what is referred to as divorce mediation. This is a method of allowing couples to work together to attain a mutally acceptable agreement. Very often, a wise divorce attorney can help a couple see that there are ways to work things out. They understand family finance. Our attorney showed my wife and I how to manage our finances, get things under control and work together to rebuild our security.
It?s really pretty simple, if the root of a problem is money, why seek the advice of someone whose primary goal is to keep taking yours?
Tags: divorce lawyer, mediation
Filed under: Counseling,Marriage
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